Awareness of Time

This is going to be a very personal post.

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I’m not sure exactly when my thought life began to take on this extra note, but at some point I have become more and more aware of time. Time in the sense that each day truly needs to make a difference in some way in my or in someone’s life. 

I’ve been thinking more about how I govern myself.

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There are many things we’re taught as a young person, but most importantly as a young Christian. How to behave, how to treat others, how to prioritize and plan for your life. When you’re young, you’re life seems like a long winding road stretched ahead that you think, ‘I’ve got plenty of time to…’ – fill in the blank or blanks.

Reaching a point 

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When, well, maybe well before I turned 50 a thought had formulated in the back of my consciousness that would leave layers in my actions. I’m nearing the age when my parents passed away. Both of my parents were 57 when they died. Dad died from Emphysema and four years later, almost to the day, Mom died from lung cancer. They smoked for most of their life. I grew up in a smoker’s household. I hate cigarettes. That was a decision my parents made very young in their life and a stranglehold they were never able to break.

The difference of making the choice to follow Christ.

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As a young teen I became aware of the love God has for me and the sacrifice Jesus made in following out that plan of love. I remember vividly that day. I was at summer camp and it was a rainy Thursday evening – I think I was shedding as much in tears as the sky was shedding in rain. I felt such joy – I fell in love with Jesus immediately.

A choice to live for Christ 

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From that point on, I became active in the church I attended. At the time I was going to church with my Aunt and Uncle and my parents had the forethought to send all five of us children to the Christian school. That was great sacrifice upon their part. I followed along in school and church with the enthusiasm of youth and being a new Christian. I made plans as a young woman to go to a Christian college…to live my life for the LORD.

A fork in the road

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They say we are a product of our decisions. After attending this college for three years – I decided to follow another path – in career. I left the school and began to work and live on my own. I was still active and following the LORD, but my Christian growth was still immature – and I had not been prepared to face ‘the world’ so to speak on my own. I made some good and some not so good decisions. I turned my attention away from following the LORD for a while. 

Thankful for the LORD’s faithfulness

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When I took charge of my life and veered away, I truly never completely left the LORD or my love for him. It just wasn’t my number one priority at the time. I did deeply feel-know I still had a relationship with the LORD, but I had become to neglect it on my part. Isn’t it marvelous that God won’t leave us there. He will pursue us. By this time Dearest and I were together and we began to attend church together. Finding a good church makes a huge difference. God was working on the two of us in very different ways. We found a very good church that not only brought our hearts back to the LORD, but also served to help, ‘grow us up’ spiritually. This laid a good foundation for us to continue to look, to find and to grow in the LORD. 

When Dearest felt the LORD leading him to preach then to start a church – 

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my  heart and mind was ready. I knew and was settled in knowing what we as a family were called to do. Over the years there has been more growth, a deepeniing of love for God and for each other. It hasn’t been a smooth and straight road. Sometimes growth and understanding comes through some painful moments. 

How we come through these moments makes a difference.

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Just as vividly my memory of accepting Christ as my Savior, I vividly remember the moment when facing a crisis I declared to the LORD, ‘I am dedicated to you – to live for you and to serve alongside my husband – no matter what’. Since then there have been great challenges that have brought me to my knees, moments when only looking at the situation I’d had deep feelings and thoughts of despair, but then gradually God would remind me of my promise and I would stand, plant my feet firmly and recommit myself to Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 – ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LOR, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end’.

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This verse is used often by folks and I wonder – have they read the whole of Jeremiah – what came before this verse, what came after? This verse comes in the midst of one of the darkest points of Israel’s history. Whe the people of Israel strayed and followed their own path – the wrong path – God allowed the consequences of their actions to follow suit – but He also pursued them and reassured them of His promises. God never promised that our life would be easy – that we could skip over bad decisions in our lives. He promised to keep His promises. He deterimed before time began to love us and has always remained faithful. 

Turning my focus

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Time has a way of covering over a lot of things – in our persectives and in lessening the affect of events in our life. Coming to a point in my life when I’m quite aware of my mortality – how wonderfully blessed I have been throughout my whole life – how that each moment is important, each act vital and each word imprintable. I see more now my life and my actions in the light that I wish to completely please God – that I will face Him one day and I deeply want to hear those words, ‘well done’. That doesn’t mean that my life has been perfect and uneventful. I understand why God called David ‘a man after his own heart’. David was deeply aware of his actions, the consequences and the marvelous love God had for him. He saw himself. There’s no one save Christ who was an example of a life lived perfectly – their lives were recorded for us to learn – how we can make every moment in our life one to turn our hearts closer to God – to see how important we are to them. 

I had a fall this morning that shook me up

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Literally. I took a mis-step and tumbled into Dearest and down the side of our steps. I was scraped and perhaps will have a few scars. I was deeply shaken. But, I’m o.k. I’m learning from that moment that things can happen instantly without warning – I’ve actually had several of those moments in my life. We might get hurt, scraped, but over all – if we have faith in Christ, we’ll be o.k.

Hearing certain words….

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I have been a little distracted of late because I have had some things to think about. I’ve been catching up with yearly exams at the Dr. I’ve had some aches and pains that needed to be checked into. Then I hear the words, ‘there’s something  we need to address…’. I’m not going to go into detail, just now, but perhaps I will. Suffice it to say, I’m reminded that time is truly in God’s hands. My time. I’m given the opportunity to spend it as I wish each day – and it is so very important how I do spend it. 

I choose

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joy every day. I choose to be an encouragement – every day. I choose to forgive – every day. I choose to be aware so that I might make a difference every day. I choose to follow the lead I feel God is asking of my life – every day. I choose to live so that God will be pleased – I choose to change what I can – to minimize the affect of things in my life I can’t change. I cannot change any thing from my past – from what people have done, what I have done. I can choose to look at it the way Christ would – I choose to learn from each moment – to be thankful – even if it is an unexpected fall.

I choose God’s plan

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Whatever God has planned for my life – I accept and willingly follow. I choose to love Him more each day and to deeply love my family each day. Time – no one knows how much time they have in their life – at some point we all become quite aware of how short our life can be. I may be called away early, like my parents – or I may live a long life – like my great-grandparents. 

Blogging

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Has been more of a blessing than I could have imagined. It has allowed me to share with so many throughout the world. I love each process. My interests and focus in blogging has flowed in many directions over the four years I’ve been doing this. It has enhanced my life in so many ways. My awareness of time has reminded me that though I may share my faith from time to time – it is the most important thing in my life. So, I’ve decided that the first post of each week will be something from my heart – something I hope will encourage you – something I hope will turn hearts toward God. We may never meet personally here on earth – but, I hope through Christ we may someday meet. Perhaps in the time of your life – today is that day to make the decision to turn your life, your heart and your all to Him. It will be the best day of your life – a memorable moment.

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Comments

  1. Dearest Kathy,

    I weep, I weep about losing your parents so young! I weep about your fall. I weep about the scare you haven’t shared with us yet medically. I weep with joy at how beautifully you show your love of God. I weep with joy at your attitude.

    You are a dear dear lady. I pray for you and your family, and for your health and happiness always and in ALL WAYS.

    Christian sisterly friendship and love,

    Michele

    • Oh, Michele! Bless your heart – you brought tears to my eyes. Dear friend – I do so hope to be a blessing and am so thankful for you! Blessings to you too!
      Hugs,
      Kathy

  2. Dear Kathy,
    Jeremiah 29:11 – ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end’. This too is a favourite verse of mine.
    Your background and mine are so similar in so many ways. I pray that whatever it is you are facing, God will give you peace and He will hold you steady and strong as you lean on Him. I’m so glad you have a faithful man of God for a husband! I do as well. We are blessed!
    When I was diagnosed with a rare form of MD in my thirties, I knew not what lie ahead and it was a growing time for me. I knew that my Lord knew all about it and He had allowed it to happen and I knew I could trust Him to take care of me. Then, I too, took a very bad fall a year ago in January, while visiting my son out west. It took a year of physio therapy to get me strong again and back on my feet. But I will always have trouble with my back because of it. Even so, ‘The Joy of the Lord’ is my strength! We serve an awesome God and He loves us so much. I think it is mind boggling that He knows every hair on our heads! Take care my friend and thank you for sharing from your heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Blessings and hugs,
    Sandi

    • I remember when you shared about your fall! I don’t truly recall reading whether you shared about your MD – it is amazing isn’t it that through our life experiences we do find Kindred Spirits and can fully understand how that when we rely on God for everything, we can have confidence in knowing He truly loves and cares for us and to completely trust Him! Through this we can be the light he asks us to be. I am so thankful that through blogging we have come to be able to share – also so very thankful knowing we are sisters and will definitely someday meet – that will be such a joyous time – maybe God will bless that we can someday meet here first ;)
      Hugs,
      Kathy

  3. Dear Kathy,

    Your honest and heartfelt post here today has touched me greatly. I truly pray that whatever health issue you might be facing as we speak, will be taken care of and be a thing of the past. We have all had ‘falls’ in our lives, some worse than others, but a strong and devoted belief in our faith is there to comfort us, help us to be strong and to face any challenges that may arise. I appreciate your sensitivity, and your kind and gentle spirit always shine through on your wonderful blog. Take care my friend. My own thoughts and prayers are with you.

    xx
    Poppy

  4. Bless you, Kathy! This post was just beautiful! I am happy to grow to know more about you and your faith walk. We share many commonplaces along the way – and, from your beautiful images – many home decor favorites! And favorite verses. It has always been in the valley days that greatest growth happens. I ten to come out of those times with a greater urgency to “make it count”!! It’s the “due season” that always seems to trip me up, though. Waiting and waiting and wondering if the Lord forgot about me and all the things He stirred in my spirit that I might walk in and accomplish for His purposes. But, each new day is HOPE that I’m one step closer to more fruitfulness for Him. Blogging has been a huge part of that journey – and so has knowing you, my friend. I don’t know if I’ll be posting this week – leaving on Wednesday to see my baby grand girl in New England. Perhaps – just a little photo of our girl would make a sweet “return to loveliness” post. Hmmmm . . .
    Joy!
    Kathy

  5. What a wonderful, though provoking and deeply moving post today. It touched my heart! Thank you!

  6. Thank you for sharing your heart. I lost both of my parents when I was in my 20’s, so I’ve really lived my life without them or their influence. I’ve had wonderful in-laws, but you know, it still isn’t quite the same. A year and a half ago, I fell and broke my right wrist, pretty badly. And now, like you shared, I am aware of how easily it can happen. Take care and remember God’s blessings. He will never leave you or forsake you.

    • There are things I truly miss – hearing their voices and sharing events in our lives – I also wish I’d appreciated them so much more – I truly appreciate all they did for me and my siblings…each day truly is a gift – we never know what it may bring, but we do know we can have confidence in the One who orchestrates our lives – just to live is such a blessing!

  7. I read this with a joy and sense of blessing for you. You are exactly where you need to be. Prov 3: 5-6, which we all memorize, loses it’s luster until it is really needed and shines forth like a light for our paths. Our names are engraved on the palms of His hands, so we are ever before Him. Thanks for opening your heart. It will be a blessing to see what He has in mind for you. He has been shaping you for His purpose, after all.
    God bless you my dear sister in Him.
    Ruth

    • Thank you so much, this is quite encouraging and beautifully put – thank you so much – I do appreciate you, Ruth!

  8. Dear Kathy, thank you for your very heartfelt post. I pray that the Lord will continue to be your Strength as you face the days ahead. None of us knows the future, and you’re so right about making each day count. Blessings to you, Deborah

    • Thank you, Deborah – it has been such a blessing to share through blogging – to reach out to dear sisters and to share what we enjoy and also to encourage one another! I appreciate you and hope you have a blessed week,
      Kathy

  9. What a beautiful post, Kathy! I understand completely how you feel. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow but somehow we tend to feel that we have years ahead of us. Watching my mother and my mother-in-law grow more feeble each day reminds me of just how brief life is. Just a vapor. We need to make the most of it every minute. Your thoughts really captured this and I truly appreciate them. You are a blessing!

    • Thank you Susan, I thought for a bit I was rambling…but, I’m glad what I wanted to say came through. Dearest works in a nursing home, it can be very difficult for some to age and to have so many things affect their later years. There are some amazing people though – my neighbor is 95, lives alone and walks every morning to town – 3 to 4 blocks – to get her mail and stop by the store in town. She looks pretty frail, but keeps going. Having your mother and mother-in-law near is so precious – I encourage Dearest to spend as much time as possible with his parents – they’re doing the very same thing. I hope you have a blessed week,
      Kathy

  10. This was so beautiful! It sounds like we are around the same age, mid 50s. I have had 2 brain tumors and 2 brain surgeries so I know what it is like to face mortality. It caused me to remember my true purpose in life: love God and love others! Love them enough to tell them the Truth, boldly and unashamedly. When you said you were raised in a smoke filled home, I was hoping you were not affected by that. I will keep you in my prayers, Kathy, and I am happy you are so grounded upon the Rock along with a dear husband.

    • Thank you for sharing, Lori – I’ll definitely put you on my prayer list! Facing these physical situations do put things in a different light. We understand more that it is so very vital to be loving – to truly take on Christ. I left home when I was 18 – so I’ve lived more ‘away’ from the smoker’s home than in it. I may have some effects…only time will tell. I am so delighted to have provided my children with a clean home! I do appreciate you sharing with me!
      HUGS,
      Kathy

  11. Your post was beautiful and your words so close to what has been and is on my heart. Thank you for taking the time to write this. As a pastors wife I have felt a little drained and overwhelmed but I too have chosen joy and I am determined to seek Him and His strength and share His love. Thank you again.

    • Thank you, Sherry. I know we are supposed to share and to encourage one another – sometimes it takes time to find the right words. We, as Pastors wives, give so much because we share our husbands and at times our families. One of my gifts is empathy – I can literally ‘feel’ another’s pain. So, counseling I have to take care and not truly ‘take on’ their troubles and concerns. Only Jesus could truly do that. I think what we have to remember is everyone is going through something. We all have to be more kind and patient with one another – walking through the difficult times and waiting are not easy – but the reward will come – do seek Him early – He knows your heart better than you! The best thing we can do is to deeply realize the love God has for us – I hope you have a blessed week! HUGS,
      Kathy

  12. Angels to you Kathy.

  13. I promise to pray for you

  14. Kathy,

    I think that all Christians are becoming more aware of time. I have had this conversation with several people lately. Every day is such a precious gift. Thank you for sharing your heart on this. It is a true encouragement.

    Blessings,
    Amy Jo

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